


Asexual

by AmmoLovesJyron



Series: Sam Winchester Bingo 2019 [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: All sorts of shit in here, Asexual, Asexuality, Concerned Dean Winchester, F/M, Gen, M/M, Sam's sexuality crisis, Sam's tried everything but it's not working for him, Scared Sam Winchester, Sexuality, Teenchesters, coming to terms, square filled ASEXUALITY, supportive!dean winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 12:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17807861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmmoLovesJyron/pseuds/AmmoLovesJyron
Summary: We’re filling my first square of my Sam Winchester Bingo today!Square filled: Asexual





	Asexual

Sam was sixteen when he finally stayed in one place long enough to make friends and get invited to a party where there were people his age turning up instead of dead people or poltergeists- he still had nightmares about the last one he attended with dad and Dean.

 

Dean dropped him off, slapping a condom into Sam’s chest right before he got out of the car. Dean knew his brother hadn’t lost his v-card, and sometimes he liked to egg him on a little. Surely under those puppy-dog eyes there was a sex demon, right? Dean grimaced at that thought- he really ought to stop making sex jokes about his brother… and actually; he should stop talking about demons too. They really gave him the creeps sometimes.

 

Five minutes into the party and Sam had already lost the people who had invited him. He grabbed a cup of beer- something he could stomach well since living with Dean and dad meant a lot of beer- then headed for the back door to the decking, dodging people with a quick, polite smile that everyone seemed to be charmed by. When he got there he rested against the railing, just enjoying the moment. His eyes closed, but even then he could still hear the heavy bass in Nirvana’s _Smells Like Teen Spirit_ playing in the background. It nearly shook the whole house and he was not up for that- not after all of the things he’d seen that started with a house shaking.

“Not your scene?”

A girl with flowing dark hair approached him and Sam blushed, nodding quietly after a minute. She smiled, joining him at the railing. She seemed to be drinking a vodka and coke, and when she caught Sam looking she just offered the cup.

“Try it.”

“Oh, no, I-“

“-try it! You’ll like it, I promise.”

She held the cup out to him and he accepted after a moment, tipping back the red solo cup. When he swallowed he grimaced at the taste of the vodka, but relaxed when the familiar taste of coke rushed it down.

“Okay, yeah. Yeah, you may have a point.”

“That’s what I thought. I’m Elliot.”

She extended her hand and Sam shook it, trying hard not to blush again. He was a naturally blushy person, leave him alone.

“S-Sam. I’m Sam.”

“You want to get out of here Sam, maybe get to know each other a little better?”

He put his beer down, not even noticing his hands were shaking. She didn’t seem to notice either, and gestured to the front door.

“My car’s just down the road a bit.”

 

The night didn’t end like Sam thought it would- he thought he’d be going home as someone no longer labelled as a virgin, but instead he found himself hanging out of the car vomiting so hard someone took his phone and called Dean to come and get him. They had to leave the town the next morning Sam was so ashamed, not even willing to go and get his things from his locker as the story had already spread.

Dean would never let him hear the end of it.

 

Years later Dean took Sam to a bar for his twenty-first, an attempt at brotherly bonding after Sam had left for school. They sat down and Dean ordered two shots of tequila, gesturing behind his brother.

“Hey, I think someone’s trying to hit you up already. Damn Sammy, proud of you.”

“What are you talking about, Dean?”

Sam huffed, about to launch into a lecture when he felt an unfamiliar hand on his shoulder. He froze, but Dean seemed relaxed. Dean surveyed the room and seemed to spot something, getting up.

“Gonna go and water the cactus. Be safe, Sammy.”

He disappeared, Sam about to ask what he meant when an attractive man slid into Dean’s seat in front of him. He had gorgeous blue eyes, tanned skin that seemed flawless, and a pearly white smile that Sam felt he could stare at forever.

“Sammy? That your name?”

The guy was talking to him. Sam cleared his throat, blushing as he threw Dean’s shot back. This handsome stranger watched him, and Sam decided to just be nice.

“No, actually. My brother’s just a jerk. It’s Sam, just Sam.”

“Nice to meet you Just Sam, I’m Daniel.”

They shook hands and Daniel gestured to the waiter, nodding his head.

“Two beers, please. Put it on my tab.”

He turned back to Sam, smiling slightly.

“Sorry, I didn’t even think. Did you want a beer?”

“Yeah, yeah sure. Sounds good.”

The bartender handed them the beers and they each took a gulp, Daniel nodding at Sam’s wrist where there was a huge scar.

“That’s a nice scar. How’d you get it?”

“Oh, I, uhm… I got it a few years ago, I was at work.”

_Not a complete lie. Not completely._

“Right. What are you, a builder?”

“A law student,” Sam blurted, and Daniel raised an eyebrow.

“But you were at work when you got the scar?”

“Well, yeah. Law doesn’t come cheap, y’know.”

Daniel chuckled, nodding.

“Fair enough.”

 

The two spent a while chatting and drinking, to the point that the bar began to shut down and Dean swung out the door with a girl on his arm, waving at Sam as he went. Sam flipped him off as Daniel paid the bill before meeting his eyes.

“Look. I’ve been trying really hard to flirt with you for the last few hours but you’re completely oblivious so I’m just going to ask; do you want to come back to mine tonight?”

Sam felt his heart leap into his throat, and he swallowed. His head span, and he could feel a panic attack starting if he didn’t get out of the situation.

“Oh, uh, I-“

“-you okay? Sam?”

“Dean, I need Dean.”

 

“So you froze up?”

“Yes, Dean. That’s what I’ve been saying for the last twenty minutes.”

“No need to give me attitude, man. I’m just trying to figure it out.”

Dean stood from his spot on a motel room chair, Sam sitting on the end of the bed. Sam was looking at his hands in his lap in guilt, while Dean began to pace.

“So what- you’re not into guys? No big deal.”

“Dean, I don’t think I’m into girls either.”

“Then what the fuck are you into?”

“Nothing.”

Dean sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“C’mon, I’ll drop you back off at school. You need some sleep.”

 

Fast forward another year and Jessica is practically living with Sam, but they haven’t done anything even remotely… sexual. Hell, it took Jess three weeks to get Sam to kiss her back- she hated having to initiate every single move, but Sam didn’t. He liked to cuddle though, he liked to spoon, but sometimes he got overwhelmed and would roll away.

About six months into their relationship and Jess found him on his computer, looking at something. She approached him, kissing his cheek as she brushed a hand through his hair. He slammed his laptop down, and she grew suspicious.

“Sam? What’s up?”

“O-oh, n-nothing, just… looking into presents. I don’t want to spoil it just yet.”

“Oh, okay.”

Jess disappeared into Sam’s bedroom after that, and Sam heaved a sigh of relief. He didn’t want his girlfriend to know he’d been researching what little there was on asexuality.

That night she lay on his chest, tracing the muscles over his shirt. Her shorts slid up a little revealing the lace underwear she had on, and she looked up at Sam to see if he would have any reaction. He didn’t, and she frowned. Jess sat up, Sam following when she turned on the lamp.

“Sam, I think we should talk. About this, about us.”

“Sure…?”

He pulled the sheets over his long legs, Jess coming over to sit in his lap. His hands awkwardly held her hips, and she frowned.

“Sam, you’re just… I love you, and I love how you like to cuddle me and kiss me, but you’ve never… we’ve never…”

She trailed off, biting her lip and Sam felt like he could barf. He didn’t think he’d be talking about _that_ already.

“Jess, I-“

“-am I not pretty enough, is that the problem?”

Jess’s eyes were welling with tears and Sam immediately used his thumb to wipe them away, brushing a hand through her hair. He shook his head, sniffing.

“The problem- it’s not you, not at all. It’s actually me, I don’t- I haven’t been interested in-“

“-you’ve never had sex?!”

Jess’s eyes widened with shock and Sam blushed, but slowly nodded. Jess sighed; it was her turn to comfort now.

“Sam, I don’t care if you’ve never done it before. I love you, and I want to be close with you.”

“I’ve tried everything,” he whispered, and she felt a tear drip on to her thigh. She reached for Sam, holding his head to her shoulder.

“Tell me everything Sam, I want to know.”

So it all came out; from when Sam was sixteen and got so nervous he puked, to now, when even his naked girlfriend couldn’t get him going. He felt nothing but friendship toward a lot of people, but it was stronger with Jessica. He felt something different toward her, but he still couldn’t see himself with her in a sexual nature. He told her everything, until he was crying into her chest. Jess sighed, brushing a hand through his hair.

“Let’s start small, okay Sammy? We can start somewhere you’re comfortable with. For now, you need sleep and I need to know my boyfriend’s okay.”

“Only Dean calls me Sammy,” Sam murmured as he lay down, Jess curling up on top of him like she usually did, intertwining their legs for good measure. She lay a kiss on his cheek, smiling.

“Well now I do too, Dean can kiss my ass.”

 

Jess was dead. Sam didn’t feel anything for anyone anymore. He loved his brother and he loved his dad, but they were in a different way. They were in a familial sense, while Jess… she had finally helped him open up. She’d been the one to understand what was going on, the one to make her way through his walls until she got him to experience his first orgasm. It was quite the journey, and she had almost cried at how proud she was as he panted, his hand covered in- heh. Leaving that right there.

Now it was just Sam and Dean- Jess had been brutally murdered by the demon and Sam was on the prime suspect list as a culprit. Dean had come just in time to rescue him, take him out of the dorm and get him downstairs. When they got to the Impala Sam curled up on the passenger seat and burst into tears, Dean had no method of comforting him so he let Sam cry and be sad, until they got to the border of California where he pulled up, tugging Sam into his arms.

“C’mere Sammy.”

And Sam had cried harder into Dean’s jacket, begging for Jess back, begging and crying until he passed out mid sob. Dean had laid him back in his seat and buckled him in, heading for the road.

Time to go find dad.

 

Sam hadn’t had time to get laid recently, nor had he been even slightly interested in it, but Dean wanted to chat up some ladies so here the brothers were, chatting up ladies in the back of a nightclub. Sam was sitting back uncomfortably while Dean regaled made up stories. The couple of women around them laughed, until Dean saw Sam making an escape toward the men’s room. Dean stood, placing a kiss on one of the girls’ cheeks, whispering _call me_ in her ear before going after his brother.

Sam was sitting on the grungy floor beside the basin, head in his hands. Dean joined him and brushed a hand through his brother’s hair, watching him for a moment.

“Sam, is there something you want to tell me?”

“I- oh god, I need to stop crying.”

Sam wiped his eyes, lifting his head. His nose was tinted red, his eyes the same and it was pretty obvious he’d been crying. Dean pulled a couple sheets of paper towel down, handing them to his little brother.

“Here. Try calm down, then talk.”

A good five minutes passed, and then Sam rested his head on his brother’s shoulder.

“I’m asexual.”

“I thought so.”

“Even being with Jess, I was so uncomfortable. I loved her but the sex- I had no interest. I’m not normal, Dean.”

“You’re a Winchester; we’re never normal, it’s in our blood.”

The boys both chuckled, Dean running a hand over his own beard.

“But if I were you, I would have told me sooner. We could go catch a movie if you want, one with no sex scenes but lots of laughing?”

Sam looked up at Dean, eyes wide.

“You- you’d do that for me?”

“Yes, Sam. As long as you never cockblock me again.”

Sam blushed and Dean punched his shoulder playfully, chuckling.

“Kidding. You can cockblock me whenever you want, I’ll just go back to putting Nair in your shampoo.”

“Fuck you, Dean.”

“But seriously, Sam.”

Dean ruffled his brother’s hair, smiling.

“I’m really proud of you for coming to terms with who you are. It’s a big deal and I think it’s awesome that you felt you could tell me.”

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re the only one I tell anything to.”

 

Okay, that one made Dean tear up.

 

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